My story with a frightening illness!
I had a feeling that 2019 would be a turning point in my life, but I didn't imagine it would be an illness.
It all started in January: I had spent a week at my son's house. I began to feel diffuse pain in my pelvis and back, fatigue and other symptoms. I didn't think it was anything serious, so I wasn't worried. Then, as the pain continued to increase, I made an appointment with my doctor at the end of the first trimester. Routine tests were carried out, but the results were negative. The doctor then sent me for a CT scan. After reading the results, the radiologist immediately booked me in for an ultrasound scan a few days later and, without telling me why, asked me to see a gynaecological surgeon as soon as possible.
Here we are at the end of April: the obstacle course has begun!
I meet with the surgeon who, after examining me, informs me that he will need to perform a biopsy. This takes place on May 7th followed by an MRI scan on May 20th. Up until this point, I still don't understand what is happening, except that it is serious. The only thing that concerns me is relieving the pain, which is getting worse and worse.
On May 25th, I will meet again with the surgeon, who has received the biopsy results and MRI findings.
"You have advanced cervical cancer. The lymph nodes are affected, as well as two other organs. We cannot operate; it would be too risky. I don't want to give you false hope," he told me.
The verdict is in!... I leave his office crying... I'm 57.
After leaving the clinic, I phoned my mum to tell her the news. Then I do the shopping I'd planned to do in this area, while holding back my tears. As I walked, my thoughts raced: how would I tell the people around me? (I was afraid of being confronted with self-pity, which could be fatal to my faith). Is there a sin that I haven't confessed to the Lord Jesus? Why is God allowing this? Am I going to die?
Then I think of Jesus who said to Peter: "Truly, truly, I say to you, when you were younger, you girded yourself and went wherever you wanted; but when you are old, you will stretch out your hands, and someone else will gird you and take you wherever you do not want to go". (John 21:18) I don't know where I'm going, but I have to keep moving. The situation is completely out of my control. One thing's for sure: I have to choose how I'm going to move forward! I want to see the Lord Jesus in all his beauty, even in this trial. I also think of Daniel's friends who replied to the king: "Behold, our God whom we serve can deliver us from the fiery furnace, and will deliver us from your hand, O king. But if not, be it known to you, O king, that we will not serve your gods, nor worship the golden image which you have set up. (Daniel 3:17-18) Clearly I must not allow despair to take hold and overcome my faith.
When I got home, after hugging my mum tightly and crying with her, I went up to my room and started talking to the Lord Jesus. Then I sent a message to the pastor to tell him. As soon as he received it, he called me back. He was shocked, but he told me that it's in adversity that you can see the glory of God! That's so true. I explained to him that I didn't want anyone to feel sorry for me and that, at first, not many people should know about it. He prayed for me.
On 18 June, I was admitted to hospital for a lumbo-aortic lymphadenectomy (lymph node removal) and the fitting of an implantable chamber that would be used to inject chemotherapy. I was off work for a month, but this was extended to a year and a half.
I then met the oncologist who set up my treatment: chemotherapy, radiotherapy and then brachytherapy at the Gustave Roussy Institute.
In the meantime, I'm finding it increasingly difficult to manage the pain, which has been going on for months, day and night. It will only disappear after a few sessions of radiotherapy. A sister of mine, a pharmacist, gave me some good advice on combining painkillers and avoiding overdosing.
From then on, my career was punctuated by numerous MRIs, PET scans, CT scans, medical visits, analyses, etc.
I began chemotherapy with cisplatin (a product that is highly toxic to the kidneys) and, at the same time, radiotherapy in July. Cortisone injections were also added to limit the side effects. This will last until August.
In mid-September, after a 15-day break, I was sent to the Gustave Roussy Institute in Villejuif for brachytherapy. This took place over 5 days and 4 nights, during which I was absolutely unable to get out of bed: everything had been planned to adapt my diet. Apart from the medical, paramedical and maintenance staff - who visit every half hour, day and night, when the machine is not beaming - there are no visits. Given the distance and the time available, I preferred to ask my family not to be disturbed.
At the end of September 2019, the treatment was completed. Regular check-ups lasted until 2025, when I saw the surgeon again to have the implantable chamber removed.
I have chosen to talk briefly about the illness and its treatment, because behind these lines lies a more important path of life in victory: it bears witness to GOD's Love for me and for the world.
As I said above, I had to take a stand and decide how I was going to live through this period, whatever the outcome. The first step was to check whether anything was interfering with my relationship with God.
The first few days were difficult: I wanted to stay in life, but the pain, which I found increasingly difficult to relieve, reminded me that there was a problem. It made me think negative thoughts. I had to fight: this battle was spiritual.
Did I trust God?
If it was God's choice to take me back at that moment, was I ready?
Did I accept?
I told God that I would accept death as long as I was with Him. From that day on, I was able to experience this period differently.
My body was breaking down inside, my strength was diminishing with the chemotherapy injections, I had side effects from the treatments... but I had peace. I continued to attend church meetings almost to the end and, despite the immense fatigue caused by the chemotherapy, I put all my heart and all my strength into praising God. My life as a child of God had not stopped. The Lord always gave me the ability.
When I didn't feel like praying or had the strength to do so, God was there, in my heart, with his word that encouraged and strengthened me: it always came at just the right moment. I felt supported. My mum and the loved ones in my congregation prayed for me, asked about me, gave me practical help, came to sing praises at home; the young people visited me.
The medical staff I met were always very kind and the taxi ambulance, which took me to Gustave Roussy twice, was also a great help.
When I came across other sick people being cared for, I felt deeply privileged to be able to walk through the valley of the shadow of death without fear of any harm, because Jesus Christ was with me (Psalm 23:4), unlike those who had no hope.
It is painful to see that the solution exists, but that the world rejects it and prefers to remain in suffering.
Many put their trust solely in treatments. But these offered no guarantees: if the blood test was poor, the patient had to go home and wait to see if the next session could take place. And sometimes the disease recurred or spread. So these people lived with a veritable sword of Damocles hanging over their heads.
I had the opportunity to bear witness to Jesus Christ to many people throughout this period: surgeons, oncologists, patients, doctors ...
Some might say:
"Where is God's Love in all this?"
"If your God loves you, why did he allow this illness?"
"If He is all-powerful, He could have healed you!"
I saw His Love everywhere - and I can't describe it all, because that would take too long.
My God allowed me to walk on high, to enter into a dimension of faith, into His dimension. I have experienced that when we abandon ourselves into His hands, we can go through anything, because He takes over within us. He made me experience His presence at every moment (2 Corinthians 4:8), He gave me joy and peace in spite of everything. I was able to live through this illness without suffering from it. If He had healed me without treatment - because, in the end, it's always God who heals (Psalm 103:3) - that would have been wonderful. But I wouldn't have experienced this victory over myself, or met all the people to whom I was able to testify about the real solution to evil: Jesus Christ (John 3:16-17).
This ordeal has brought me closer to God.
You could still argue by saying:
"The treatments destroyed parts of you."
Imagine if God had allowed me to experience what most men fear most - and to do it without being destroyed. My God is sovereign and infinitely wise (1 Corinthians 1:25). I have certainly suffered losses in my flesh, proof that man, within his limits, cannot produce anything perfect. Only the Creator embodies perfection. But in exchange, I have gained precious spiritual treasures. Our bodies, doomed to corruption, fade with time... but our spirits are destined for eternity (Matthew 6:19-20).
God loves us and He has opened His arms of love for you too, who are reading these lines, through Jesus Christ. Don't miss out on such a great salvation.
Mireille
